Show Me The Way To Go Home

It a good thing I'm going home tomorrow. For two reasons. Firstly, I'm starting to fall apart here in the great US of A. I never lose things. I am so possessive with my things that I typically hold on to them tightly. In the course of the last few days I have lost my excellent swarmy that blackwifeo bought me in France and now I seem to have lost my cell phone. I have looked everywhere. I carefully retraced yesterday's steps, from the meeting where I last called out, to Chipotles where I ate lunch, to the family mail drop where I picked up some of blackwifeo's potions and lotions, to Academy where I bought a pair of black dickies. No one has seen or heard it. Its a big problem, clearly I am getting old and I'm losing my mind. Everyone has been so helpful, looking in lost property drawers, calling yesterday's workers, but no one has seen my phone. So if I don't leave here soon who knows what else I will lose.

The second reason I need out, is simple. The longer I stay the more Blackwifeo orders from amazon, bed and bodyworks, ebay etc. Each day the UPS guy smilingly delivers more stuff for me to take home. Below is a sample of the potions and lotions I have to squash into one of the (now) two bags I will be shlepping tomorrow:You would think that its not possible to buy cosmetics in Israel. I thought I was going to the US on business, little did I realize that I'm merely a pack mule, sent here to meet the daily UPS drop for Blackwifeo. If I stay any longer, she alone will order enough to cover the $700B financial bailout for US markets. Unfortunately, looks like I'll be working till I'm 143 to pay for all this.