Almost missed the Thursday deadline, but I think I can still make it.
I just returned from a "one day" army reserve service. A teaser to almost a month coming very soon.
It is very tempting to write about Israeli 80%nes coming back from "miluim", but I want to talk about my shared 100% creation - Nitzan.
I know it may sound corny but I do see 100% in Nitzan:
100% naive
100% open, listening and learning the world around
100% loving
I know it will change because she will grow up to a not 100% parents in a not 100% environment but I am pretty sure that even if she grows up to be 80% - I will still love her at a full 100%
Three chimneys
1 day ago
4 comments:
Beautiful post. Made me shiver.
I have only one question. I hesitate to ask it for fear that it offends. But it represents something about Israel that shocks me and that I would like to understand. I know that you recently put Nitzan into a creche. What shocks me is that like most Israelis, you do this from the age of 3 to 6 months and the transition is very quick - I would have expected a 3 -6 month weening period where the child learns to slowly accept longer and longer periods away from the parents. So my question for you is whether this is difficult emotionally or whether you consider this kind of separation from parents at an early age as harmless and a normal part of life. Let's say you didn't live in a country where both parents need to work in order to pay the mortgage etc, would you prefer a system where both parents work less and can spend more time with their young children?
I am asking the question because I live in your country and I have to now deal with the question of putting my young daughter in a creche because of money needs. And my answer to this is: over my dead body. I don't mind Zoe being in a place for a few hours, but something doesn't feel right about putting her in a creche for big parts of the days every day of the week. It's a dilemma because I would prefer to live poor than do this, but I had a poor childhood and swore that I would never be poor again ...
Marc
if you go to heaven i am sure 80% of the population will be little Kids and dogs .
where do we go wrong later on ?
And mark , kids in israel grow alot fast (after 18 you full fledge adult and not only by passport - army).
i think its the more harsher reality , and the past. kibutz - kids moved out at 6 i think ?
and not to mention holocost/wars which made 4 y.o adults .
never the less the sacricy of the family value here , and the strength of the family bonds is something really 100%.
that said if it is possiable , it really is nice to see them simply carefree kids for a little longer.
That is a very good question Marc.
I think both Alona and I would not stop working if one of us could. I am pretty sure that Alona would prefer to get back from work at noon, but not to stop working at all and I feel the same.
I think it helps being a better parent if you have a few hours a day doing something else then catering your child.
My father always say that it is very good to miss a bit the people you love.
And I do believe it is good for Nitzan to be with other kids from an early age. Social skills are very important.
Haflo - if you ask Yohai (Gevim) (my cousin from squint central) you will find out that in a real kibutz the baby is taken from his parents the moment they get back from hospital.
So letting the kids go is probably a very Israeli thing to do. Is it good? I see a lot of places in the world where people live a flight away from their parents. In Israel it is usually 30 minuets drive. It might be the size of Israel and not the bonds but who knows.
I hope Nitzan will think I was an OK dad when she gets older - I sure think my parents were great and they both worked. Actually my mom stayed with me till I was 2 but my youngest brother (drori version 4) is the best of us and he had less mom and dad time then I did. Go figure...
Yuval and Yaron, thanks for the answers.
I did know that the Kibutz kids were removed from their parents a few hours after being born. Stav's mother is a psychiatrist and she explained to me that this is considered to be one of the great tragic experiments of Israel. The number of messed up kids that came out of those institutions is phenomenal ...
And I agree that if parents want to work, it is important that they don't sacrifice everything for the sake of parenthood. However, it would break my heart to do something to Zoe when I feel that she is not ready. She is getting there, but it is too early. I suspect that when she is 1 and a half, she will be ready. From what I have read, most childhood psychologists believe that when a child starts to walk, he or she is ready to start reaching out to the world, to begin the process of separation. This is why countries like Switzerland and Sweden introduced laws that require companies to keep your job for up to a year following the birth of your child.
The ideal, finance permitting, would be to work less hours, but companies tend to reduce their commitment to you. So there is no ideal and each parent looks for the compromise that suits.
And Yaron, you are probably right in saying that the behavioural problems found in Israel are more the result of the difficulties of Israel rather than whether children are put in creches from an early age. But, maybe it is one of those chicken in the egg problems. When a society goes through hardship, usually children are treated hard as well. These children then have their own children and the only thing they know is to be hard so they repeat the process. Then you basically have a hard society that creates a hard reality for itself. It took Europe so long to reach the softness that it enjoys today. The more philosophical question is this: is it better to be hard or to be soft or does the human psyche need both.
Marc
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