I'm Going Nuts

I like nuts. Always have. I particularly like almonds. Pistachios aren't bad either. Now I know some of you will think this is a trivial thing, but you go telling that to the poor chap who breaks a tooth because some inconsiderate mixed the pistachios in with other, shell-less nuts. This has got to stop. I have noticed it happening more and more of late. You'll go to a friend's house or a "school" function or even god forbid a beer bust at work. There will be beer, and possibly that excellent party mix of crunchy bits of spiced monosodium glutamate balls mixed with crispy, salted, baked breakfast cereal left-overs. And often, you'll find, a bowl of mixed nuts. My favorite. One grabs a handful, and just as you think you're biting down on a hazelnut or one of those coated peanuts, for some bizarre reason called "American Nuts" here, your mouth explodes with the bitter and brittle snap of the pistachio shell. You count your teeth and make sure none are missing, find a napkin and do the subtle "spit of mashed nut and shell, disguised as a yawn" maneuver. It's never pleasant.

Listen people. Nuts with shells, go with nuts with shells. Pistachios, in a bowl, with other pistachios - with a separate bowl for the shells nearby. You can mix in selected nuts in their shells, but I think pistachios are loners and we should respect that. Nuts with no shells: almonds, cashews, peanuts, brazil nuts, macadamias, can all be mixed. I really shouldn't have to explain this to you.