The HOD

A week or so ago I got a phone call from Benny, inviting me to a memorial service at "The Lodge". For as far back as I can remember, my dad was a member of "The Lodge". I never understood what they did or why. I always imagined secret handshakes and dark rooms where they plotted to take over the world. When my parents moved from PE to Raanana, dad joined the local branch (Hebrew Order of David, Lodge Moledet No. 44). He was I believe the treasurer for many years and when he died we received many reports of his kindness and insight from anonymous (at least to me) Lodge members. It seems it was important to him. So when Benny called and asked if I wouldn't mind coming to light a candle in his memory at the "open" meeting they have annually. I, of course, agreed.

Last night at 8:30 I showed up at Beit Fisher. It's a remarkably bleak building with florescent lights, whitewashed walls and plastic chairs. As the Lodge members arrived it became clear that this particular group is nearing extinction. There are way more names on the memorial board than there were members in attendance. They walk around wearing colored collars, calling each other "Worthy Brother" this and "Worthy Brother" that. The ceremony started more or less on time and it was all very formal, with each one of the "Worthy Brothers" called to arise (those that could) and say something or read a prayer or psalm. The candle lighting ceremony was simple but very effective. I heard a lot of whispering behind me when I was called to light my dad's candle, as clearly many of the "Worthy brothers" had no idea who I was.

After the ceremony the customary tea and cake was served. Many of the brethren sought me out to tell me how much they miss my dad and what a good person he was. It always amazes me how he helped so many people, quietly, with no fuss. All asked about my mom and were happy to hear she is doing great in Texas. I have to admit I found it all quite emotional and found I had a lump in my throat when I thanked Benny for inviting me. My dad would have liked the ceremony - short and to the point, no long speeches, with good humor throughout. I got to thinking on the way back to the car. My dad and I certainly had our differences but he continues to teach me. One of the lessons he lived is that integrity is not something you wear like a badge (or a Lodge collar), it's who you are when no one is looking.