Weight Watchers

I joined Weight Watchers today. Simon (the growth around my middle) has been swelling a bit and walking the length and breadth of the Holy Land has not caused any shrinkage. So off blackwifeo and I went to Weight Watchers. After some research blackwifeo discovered that there is a weekly English speaking group on Wednesday at 9am (don't fat people work, I ask you?) So off we went to join. After a false start (we first went to "The Center for Music" and not "The Music Center" a nice (rather overweight) lady sent us packing only after she dreadfully regretted the meetings were not held there) we rushed into the meeting at 9:05. Of course, we were the first ones there. People (or should I say ladies) started dribbling in and the real meeting started at 9:45. But, I was too busy looking around and listening, to get upset. There is a process, you see.

First we needed to sign up. Its damned expensive to be overweight. A mere 1200 or so sheks later we were members. Blackwifeo got a discount because she is a member of some sort of Weight Watchers Hall Of Fame or something. Once they had the money, it was off to "weighing in". I always imagined this as a sort of public competition, kind of like how they weigh in boxers or pigs before sale, but alas it was much more subdued. Yehudit, the "leader", quietly takes you over to the scale and whispers your weight in your ear. She then gently encourages you to think of your goal. I came out at a whopping 86.3kg (190lbs), but I was wearing heavy pants (yeah right) and have been bulking up on boreakas and peanut brittle so I can knock them all dead with my exponential weight loss. I decide I want to lose 7kg (about 15lbs) to get back to the svelte version of blackpetero of 10 years back.

So all this time women are arriving. They come with children and strollers. Some are religious, some are not. But I seem to be the only man to ever have come to this group and all of the women avoid me like the plague. Luckily blackwifeo can make friends anywhere, she's a chatting savant and, of course, she already knew some of the others - I am sure we will end up having them all over for dinner (its only 6 points, you know) or maybe they could just move in. All the time the noise level is rising.

I forgot to mention that seeing as its summer, there is a camp for kids going on in the adjacent room, which is separated from weightloss central by a threadbare curtain. I thought they were having screaming practice, but someone pointed out that it was actually an art room. A few of the others came with their various sized offspring all in strollers. These they took out and placed on the floor so we could all watch them while they crawled around looking for bugs and other tasty morsels to eat. With the weighing done the "meeting" started. Our leader spoke about her vacation and how she managed to lose 1/2 a kilo. At least that's what I think she said, it was a little hard to hear. I think the basic premise of her talk was, fill your plate with half veggies, a quarter protein and a quarter carbs, or maybe it was the other way round.

At some point (not too long actually) the talk was done and that was it. Sort of a "low-calorie" meeting I thought. You don't get a whole lot for your money. Yehudit did stay after and gave us our books and papers and charts and meal plans. She explained how the whole thing works. I am allowed 24 points daily, these points are calculated per food item by magicians at Weight Watchers central somewhere in Beverly Hills probably (the internet, bastion of all knowledge, claims the formula is p(c,f,r)=round(c/50+f/12-min{r,4}/5) there is even a patent). We received booklets that explained what foods equal what points. Basically all I care about is that 2 Tivol shnitzels are 3 points, veggies are free. So I have 21 other points to waste each day.

Needless to say we gave one of the ladies a ride home, she is a new arrival in Israel, has a husband and two children - knowing blackwifeo they will probably be moving into our house soon. So that was my first Weight Watchers meeting, I am sure you will hear a lot more about this adventure as it unfolds.