Sunday, June 28, 2009

It's in the Bag

So like most men I am useless at seeing things. Say I'm looking for the leftover curry in the fridge. There is just no way I would find it unless I ask blackwifeo. She will spot it in an instant. The same will happen when looking for the can opener. I will open the kitchen drawer, gaze inside and the can opener will camouflage itself until bwo comes over - then it will decloak and be plainly visible. We spent a lot of time cooking this weekend and I must have asked bwo a dozen times for things that were clearly visible to her, but not me.

So I got to thinking. How come women have this vastly superior eagle eye item isolation ability. Then it came to me. It's because of their handbags! Have you ever tried to find anything (even a ringing phone) in your wife's handbag? Impossible. The mere thought is so terrifying that it took at least 20 years before I even dared to look inside. But now, well into my third decade of marriage, I am immune to danger, and I scoff at fear. Still, I have never managed to find anything in her bag. Ever. My wife's bag is one of those mysterious distortions in the space-time continuum. It is way, way larger inside than it looks. She carries a complete cosmetics store, a fully stocked pharmacy, enough keys to embarrass a jailer and a thousand miles of Kleenex. To find anything in her bag, one needs laser beam focus and light speed optical discrimination, and she can zero in and find her credit card or her non-fade lipstick in nanoseconds. Clearly, finding curry in a packed fridge or can openers in stacked drawers is child's play. Trivial compared to finding that ringing cell phone.

No comments: