Jozie here (blackwifeeeo in case you don’t know by now).
I have been considering for a while now whether to write my own blog cause most of the time, I end up just commenting on blackpetero’s blog. I tend to find having to defend myself against his incessant ravings about 80% this and 20% that. I never quite know where I fall on his scale, probably somewhere in the high seventy’s I think, otherwise he wouldn’t be able to complain about me. But that’s ok, I figured it was time to make fun of him for a change and boy do I have a story for ya’ll.
Today I was sitting in Dr. B’s office waiting for blacksono to get his pre army checkup- ugh, don’t say anything, we are not thinking about that now, and there was a really interesting article in Newsweek about Heston Blumenthal, 3 star Michelin chef and culinary alchemist. The man is brilliant, and both blacksono and I agree that we want to be him when we grow up. His restaurant The Fat Duck has garnered more awards than anything and his incredibly weird Tasting Menu features items such as Snail Pudding and Egg and Bacon Ice Cream. Here is a short video of how he makes the ice-cream.
His new cookbook, the Fat Duck Cookbook, comes out in a few days and sells for a mere 100 Pounds Sterling ($147).
While discussing Heston’s show and the fact that one cannot enjoy food if ones sense of smell is impaired, I was reminded of the time blackpetero had his Nasal Polyps Removed. (This runs in his family, he could not smell anything before the op. I have the actual video of the surgery, but will not gross you out).
So there he was first night post op, with a couple of tampax stuck up his nose. He had downed a couple of Vicodin to help with the horrendous pain. I am told it’s one of the more painful surgeries. I too was not sleeping well, and for some reason I awoke in the middle of the night and realized that I had just PUNCHED Blackpetero on the nose. (This was not on purpose, just in case you wondered). He screamed. I started to uncontrollably giggle from the shock, and then silence. Total silence as he got out of bed and popped a few more Vicodin and went downstairs. Eventually, I fell asleep, feeling absolutely horrible and racked with guilt.
The following morning, a bleary-eyed BPO mentions to me that he just “might have bought something off the shopping channel”! huh? naaah!
Now this was such a ridiculous notion. Anyone who knows him knows that that would NEVER happen. For god sake, he doesn’t let me even watch that channel, being the compulsive shopper that I am. So I forgot about it and life in sunny California went on. For a couple of weeks.
A knock on the door and the local UPS dude delivers a huge goddam box from, you guessed it, The Shopping Channel. Totally fascinated, I opened the box and found it contained The Megaknife Set - 256 assorted knives ordered right off the Knife Show (now called Cutlery Corner) from your favorite red necks- Tom O’Dell and Todd Boone.
This incredible set included 46 Jack Knives (surgical steel with rubberized handles), 4 sets of TacOps tactical folding knives (the EXACT knife that SWAT uses), 9 navy seals aqua ops folding knives (the exact ones used in Iraq) a variety of Bowie knives, Apache knives, slip-not skinners, and there may have been a katana or two. $9000 worth of knives apparently.
I searched online for an actual clip of the knife show and even on their new website Cutlery Corner, I could only find this live blooper clip which is funny as hell and a clip called Redneck Confederate Knife Show, in which Boone and O’Dell argue about the type of wood on the knives and threaten to kill the employee who misnamed the knives.
I did luckily find the following actual transcript of one of their programs off Front Page News that I wanted to copy and paste in its entirety cause its so freaking hilarious, but instead will give you the link to check out yourself. http://www.somethingawful.com/d/news/knife-show-on.php
You have to read it, you won't be sorry!!!
I never get tired of teasing blackpetero about this cause I am the one who usually fucks up. I don’t know if there is a moral to this story ( maybe don’t take narcotics and then watch infomercials at 3am) but after reading the above transcripts, I just wanna go out and buy bowie knives
2 comments:
Sweetie, you got the surgeries a tad confused. The knife buying spree was after I had my wisdom teeth pulled, not the polyp surgery. But its a good story none the less. I am still sad I sent the knives back, just think what we could have done with a score of high tensile steel throwing knives. Knives rule. I wonder if the knife dudes voted for Obama.
I can guarantee that they did not vote for Obama!!!
On reading the transcripts of the show, blacksono was just appalled that we sent them back. He would give anything for a Katana, and the descriptions of the dragon swords were almost too much for him. I think it's a good thing for everyone that we don't get that network over here in Israel.
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