Sunday, November 2, 2008

Come Home Cordless Phone

I have been holding off posting this for a few weeks. As I have said before, like all husbands occasionally I need to run my tin mug back and forth along the bars of my cell. I know I'm just sounding off, and no matter how much noise I make, I'm still in jail. Here goes then. Can someone please tell me WHERE'S THE DAMN BEDROOM PHONE?

A month or so back, in my wisdom, I decided to bring one of the cordless phones from downstairs into our bedroom. Our bedroom phone had finally given up the ghost after being dropped on the tiled floor one too many times (blackwifeo has a habit of answering the phone, thinking that the untwisting cord faeries have come along in the night and straightened out the horrible knot in the phone cord). That phone finally decided that crashing to the floor every time it was answered was just not in its job description. So we lived without a phone in the bedroom for a while. It's hard enough to find blackwifeo when I need her, she's one of those, loosely attached to her cellphone, people. Her cell is always at home when she's out, or downstairs when she's resting, or in the car, or at her mother's, or off. So I though I had reached the perfect solution. I took one of the cordless phones, the one from blacknewphewo's room, and moved it and its base into our bedroom.

All was wonderful for two or three days. Then the cordless started visiting its old friends in other parts of the house. Often it was found chatting with the bread machine in the kitchen. It went on a field trip in the car one day. It was particularly fond of laying out on the porch swing warming itself in the noonday sun. Still, from time to time it could be found laying quietly on its base recharging its tired battery, waiting for a chance to be of service.

Then one day a few weeks back our bedroom was "rearranged". This happens pretty often. Its god's (and my wife's) way of keeping me flexible and practiced in having cheese moved. I came back from work to find the normally stacked surfaces of our bedroom starkly naked. No books. No papers. No potions and lotions. And no cordless phone. Its vanished. Maybe it could not bare the order. But, never fear, its not lost yet, we haven't yet started looking.

So cordless phone, if you are reading this, please come home. I miss you. We promise to keep you whole and not subject you to the duct taped back your twin downstairs has had to suffer (his battery cover mysteriously vanished). We will answer your calls promptly and recharge you on time. We need you. Come home.

8 comments:

Yuval said...

maybe the room was not rearranged - might it be thieves?

Anonymous said...

Phones were so used to being kept on a cord they have lost all sense of their own responsibility to be where they should be when they should be - without blaming poor innocents like blackwifeo if they forget to come home. Where is the personal responsibility here????

Helene

Jozie said...

whew, all's right with the world. Blackpetero is ranting about me.
I got worried there for a bit, too much work, too many trips not enough time. My question is why is bpo so worried about the phone? He refuses to answer it anyway. Wont have the temporary phone near him(it's temporary until the other one is declared lost, by ME)The phone in this house can ring and ring and ring and he won't even pick it up. So what's this new obsession about?

blackpetero said...

No new obsession, love. Just that a Jews gotta blog.

Jozie said...

You know, on thinking about it, maybe yuval is right, it did get 'skit'. So it's not my fault at all.

Jozie said...

I just have to mention that neighbourhikio came home from overseas yesterday and gave yuval or ariel or one of them, a very expensive, top of the line rc helicopter. of course, an hour later it was stuck somewhere at the top of our trees. Not sure which tree exactly, but the activity going on in our yard is amazing. we have had flashlight action, binoculars, sticks and of course, a lot of loud shouting(eizeh ba'asa) at one another from our side and the other side of the fence. They only stopped last night because it got too dark. I hope they goddamm find it soon, otherwise, we will have to live with hiki and boys in the back yard.

blackpetero said...

DMS. Donkeys Must Suffer.

Jozie said...

update nov 29th
I saw neigborhikio out side the "hummus" the other day and he informed me that it was actually my fault that yuval lost the copter, because they were my trees that got in the way. When I pointed out that he could have flown the thing away from the trees and into the open space in the opposite direction, I was told that how could I blame yuvali, I mean, he is only 8. hmmmm. think there is a law suit brewing?