Terminal Restlessness

We are in Houston. My mother, 96, took a fall last week and things turned bad. She had severe dementia for the last few years, but till the fall was walking on her own, no walker or chair. So the hospital did the minimum to keep her comfortable, which included some bolts and pins in her hip and not enough meds. We got the call Tues and flew down yesterday (Wed). It has been quite an experience. Let me say I am so lucky to have the brother and sister I have. They have taken care of my mother for years and just dealt with this situation with their usual efficiency, humor and love.

We Ubered directly to the hospital from the airport and went up to see her. It's hard to describe, I would not have recognized her if I did not know. She was pretty much out of it, but would grab at the air every now and then and let out a sort of moaning wail. Apparently, things were much improved by the time we got to Houston. The previous day and night, after the operation, she had continually pulled out all the infusions and even ripped those unbreakable hospital id bands off her wrists. She also ripped off any clothing, and sheets anything covering her. Not fun. She was always a strong woman and it was a full-time job for a nurse to watch her (Shemarion was yesterday's). They had upped the doses of pain meds and morphine so she was kind of sleeping and only occasionally reacted, but that was bad enough.

And so we learned of "terminal restlessness". It's something that is not spoken of too often, but is common in the dying. Man, was my mother terminally restless. At some point yesterday the hospital decided she needed to leave and fortunately (believe it or not) she was bad enough to be accepted into a inpatient hospice. They don't take just anyone. When we arrived at the hospice this morning, she was once again very restless, wanting to pull herself up and shouting at the world, but not really conscious. She also kept ripping off her clothing and blankets and that is a sight it's hard to unsee. The hospice people knew exactly what to do and upped her meds to where she is resting as peacefully as can be expected. We are sitting around waiting. 

We are lucky to have many people who are concerned about how we are taking all this. I can only talk for myself. The mother I knew and loved, who was the special person in my life left a few years ago. I really was lucky in that I did not have to watch her going week by week. I got to see her every few months and so the decline into dementia was a relatively sudden thing for me. So I have had years to say goodbye. The body lying here just breathing is not I my mind the mother I knew. We will do the right thing for it, of course, whatever means less pain and suffering and hope she goes peacefully. In the meanwhile we wait.