Kevin

A few months back blackwifeo called and told me that the Kirby vacuum cleaner dude had called and wanted to do a demonstration for her. My heart sank. I hoped she'd forget and purposely never mentioned it again, believing it gone and forgotten. For those of you who don't know about Kirby vacuum cleaners, well lets just say they are the Rolls-Royce of "cleaning systems" (notice it's not a vacuum anymore) and cost an arm, leg and liver. They use Kirbys in hotels and other places where a vacuum cleaner works hard a few hours a day. If they needed vacuum cleaners on the space shuttle, they would take a Kirby. The Queen herself uses her Kirby in Buckingham Palace to suck up the hair of those pesky Corgis. These machines are so expensive that they send salesmen into your house and give you a two hour one-on-one demo before starting the sales pitch. Bwo (bless her) is a sucker for a good sales pitch. So I was very worried when she called me at work on Monday and mentioned in passing the Kirby dude was coming. "You will not buy one!" I stated emphatically. "No, of course not" she replied sweetly.

Needless to say. I got home on Monday only to be greeted by Kevin our brand new Kirby Home Maintenance System (pictured above). I breathed deep. I counted to 573. I remembered the shrink's words "think before you speak, she's sensitive". "Just tell me how we are going to pay for this?" I asked politely. "We'll get Aziza the maid one week less a month and then in three years (yes THREE years) we will have paid for this beautiful machine".

Now I see one major problem with all this (beside the fact we cannot afford it) - Kirby Home Maintenance Systems do not push themselves around the house. Unfortunately, the salesman who does the demo, showing you how it can suck dust mites from 10cm down in the mattress thereby alleviating all children's allergies, does not come with the machine. So it means that this more than $1K device will have to be handled by Aziza the Destroyer (and thrower-out of curries). Sigh. Blackwifeo's answered this rant with her lovely smile and the comforting words that the Kirby people are sending out someone to give Aziza training. My god but they are brilliant.

As Larry pointed out when I called him to complain, "be careful, because next thing you know, she'll buy a hotel to go with the vacuum cleaner".